Turning Emptiness Into Abundant Blessing
I recently wrote a short book, an allegory. It wasn't something that I set out to do, but a task that was given to me that I could not ignore. When I say given I mean that God put the concept of this story in my head and through my thoughts and prayers He developed it. It became a need that I had to express. Not a selfish need that would satisfy me, but a need that came from someplace deep within. I thought about it all the time and something told me that it needed to be written down.
The process was easy, very easy, almost too easy. Just like writing this blog has been, though I haven't written in over a year. When I did write it just spilled out of me as it i doing now. The same is true of this allegory. In two days I had written ten chapters. I would take breaks to walk my dog and talk to God, but for two days straight I sat at my computer and pounded out the words that came to me idea after idea, conversation after conversation. It seemed as if there would be no end and I would have the whole thing written in a week!
That is when my creative over-active imagination took control. I started to wonder about the possibilities this little story would open for me. I considered that it could be the way my life forever changes and visions of grandeur filled my mind. I thought about book signing, interviews, quitting my day job and buying a little beach house on Galveston Island. Just like that the words dried up. They stopped flowing. No matter how many scenarios my mind contrived nothing worked and no words came forth. I was stuck. I had ten chapters and no more.
Its funny how when we make things about ourselves that God pulls from us the gift He gave that caused the excitement in the first place. After a month or so, I was resigned that this would be another unfinished project that had me so excited at the beginning, but ended flat. I can't stand to fail or leave things undone. It just feels wrong somehow to have that much happen in such a small time only to end up being nothing but a temporary amusement.
Then on Christmas day, I opened up the file and started to read it with new eyes. It really was quite good and brought me to tears in a few places. After reading all ten chapters I went on a walk. If you have read my blog you will know that walking is my favorite place to meet God and have those important conversations. Walking is where He gave me the idea for the allegory and where He developed the story in my head. I didn't want to fail Him again so I knew we needed to talk.
I can't explain it other than to say about a minute into my walk I heard, "this isn't about you, and what you will gain. This is about me, and how I will be glorified." In my mind, I hit my knees and started to cry as I walked. I asked for forgiveness and gave the book back to the true author. I'm not sure how long I walked, but a peace came over me and I just wanted to be in the moment of forgiveness. I burst out laughing and started to spin, just thinking of how amazing God is even when we fail Him. Then out of nowhere He shared with me how the story would progress. I walked for a bit longer, listening to the story unfold in my head. When it stopped, I knew it was time to write. The last ten chapters poured out as quickly as the first ten and in no time I was done!
I asked my sister, who is my most avid reader, to edit the book for me. She agreed and has been encouraging me throughout the editing process. Once, after I had finished making the changes she suggested, I went on another walk to thank God for her help and commit to finishing the project. I started thinking about here I am at 60 years old having known Jesus my entire life that it is only now I am connecting in a close relationship. I wondered what took me so long. The word empty came to mind. I knew what it meant, having been raised by Christian parents and listened to thousands of sermons over my lifetime. In order for God to use me, I had to be empty - no fear, no holding on to past hurt and failures, no worldly desires, nothing could occupy that space.
Then this beautiful picture came to mind of the Wedding at Cana and Jesus' first miracle of turning water into wine. When I made the connection I started to laugh and threw my arms in the air! I had never seen it before. The stone vessels represent a life emptied before God. The water that fills those vessels is the Holy Spirit. Jesus did all the work, and simply by faith, what flows from our once-emptied vessel is the most amazing fruit the world has ever known.
Imagine Jesus smiling as you empty yourself of yourself, and the order is given to fill you with the water of the Holy Spirit. Now Imagine Jesus touching that water and turning it into wine. The wine that comes forth flows freely and in abundant quantities until all around you are blessed and the celebration commences. What joy Jesus must have when we finally present ourselves emptied and ready.
I used to fear that emptying, and it kept me from the joy and great abundance that only comes after you are filled to overflowing with God Himself. There is nothing to fear, it is what we are created for. We are vessels, created to be filled and through faith to allow God's blessings to overflow into the lives of others. How sad that I lived my entire life holding on to old stale lifeless water out of fear. Is it any wonder that we are called to bear fruit?
I do not know what if anything will come of my blogs, or the book that God has blessed me with. I do not know if I will see any benefit from the sale of 1 book or a million books. But what I do know is that it isn't about me. The story is about Jesus, and God wanted me to write it for a much greater purpose. Maybe that purpose was just to teach me how to be empty and surrender not only to His leading, but for the outcome. God's best wine comes from a vessel which has been emptied so that He can fill it to overflowing. That is the true miracle.
John 2:7-10 Jesus said to the servants, “Fill the jars with water”; so they filled them to the brim. Then he told them, “Now draw some out and take it to the master of the banquet.” They did so, and the master of the banquet tasted the water that had been turned into wine. He did not realize where it had come from, though the servants who had drawn the water knew. Then he called the bridegroom aside and said, “Everyone brings out the choice wine first and then the cheaper wine after the guests have had too much to drink; but you have saved the best till now.”
Galatians 5:22-23 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law."
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