I WANT

Taming the Selfishness

Have you ever found yourself hit with a sudden conviction in your quiet time while pouring your heart out to God? The other day I was walking along talking to Jesus. I was stopped in my tracks when I realized that I had been saying "I want this, and I want this, and I want this...." Holy crap! It made me feel really stupid. The things I wanted weren't objects or riches, but still I wondered if I was praying out of selfishness. I was just expressing my heart, but it sounded so childish.

Is it wrong to pray for a safer place to live? Is it wrong to pray for companionship? Is it wrong to pray for a better job that is rewarding and more fun? I walked around the path thinking about this. I know God's word tells us to ask Him. So where does this guilt come from? I don't want lots of money. I just want to be able to go out and laugh with someone. I don't want a mansion, but I would like a yard for Wagsley. He needs to run. It is no secret that I don't enjoy my job. Is it wrong to want something better and more interesting?

Even now as I am writing this, there is no answer. I'm talking through the thoughts. I have to try to understand why I felt guilty for putting my petition before God. I don't pray like normal people. I talk to God like I would talk to someone who was walking along side of me, someone I trusted to tell my deepest desires to. The closer I get to Him the more I want to open up and then I think, are these doubts that I have conviction or is it Satan's way of making me draw back from that closeness?

The last thing Satan wants is for Christians to walk with God and to have faith enough to let God control their life. The power that Christians have access to must be scary for him. He knows the power of God. He knows the power of prayer. Did he tell me that I was being selfish in order to keep me from opening my heart to God? I wonder.

I'm no great biblical scholar. I'm not holy, righteous or wise. The only thing good in me is Jesus. Thankfully HE is what God sees when we are walking together. I sometimes feel like I just want to hide inside of his presence so that no evil can reach me. To be surrounded by the love of God so that nothing bad can touch me. There I go saying I want again. The Lord is my shepherd I shall NOT want. But I do want. I want peace. I want Jesus.

Imagine Jesus as an aura of love that surrounds you. I'm not into the whole new age thing, but the word fits the idea I am trying to convey. He is the very air that we breath. He is the life that we live. The desire to be connected to the source of life is within us all. The more time I spend with Jesus the more I can feel his presence emanating from within. Sort of like at the stoning of Stephen. His face glowed like an angel. Was this because the source of life was radiating from him? Of course it was. That same source lives in all of us. We should glow with God's love every day.

Imagine Jesus glorified, lifted high and shining brighter than the sun. He will be the source of light in eternity. The Bible tells us this. That is amazing. Imagine being in a close personal relationship with the source of eternal light that can never be extinguished. What will that be like when we are finally there? It is not wrong to want this. It is not wrong to ask the Father for things. The Bible tells us to ask. It is wrong not to trust God enough to ask. I have already seen the closer I get to God, the less I care about material things. The more I desire lasting true friendships and a simple life of peace. Maybe it is age, or just learning to be less selfish.

1 John 1:7 "But if we walk in the light, as he is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus, his Son, purifies us from all sin."

John 8:12 "When Jesus spoke again to the people, he said, “I am the light of the world. Whoever follows me will never walk in darkness, but will have the light of life.”

Revelation 21:23 "The city does not need the sun or the moon to shine on it, for the glory of God gives it light, and the Lamb is its lamp."

Matthew 7:7-11 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

“Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!"